Today I got kicked in the testicles. Twice. All chances of the perfect Cold War Family went flying down the drain as the boots of my assailant struck me where it mattered. Minutes later, another nuclear strike on Ballville was called as some lady thought it would be funny to decimate any chances of a sexual relationship in the close future (the chances fell from "I really fucking doubt it" to "I really don't think thats plausible, ever").
In response to your many queries, I was performing a "stage fight" with a gentleman named Dumb-Fuck-I'm-Going-To-Tear-His-Nuts-Off-And-Feed-Them-To-Him, or DFIGTTHNOAFTH. At a certain point in said stage fight (where no pain is supposed to occur), I stand over him and he's supposed to make it seem like he gives me a kick in the No-Fly-Zone of my pants. Unfortunately, he did kick me.
Later, after many confused delirious minutes of nausea (\m/) and disorientation, I was lying on my stomach talking to the ladies, as I am wont to do, a certain female, who shall be henceforth referred to as Dumby-Dumby-Dumb-Dumb, kicks me again because she "thought it would be funny".
Today I am not a happy camper.
Also, if you are wondering why the title includes the word "again", simply consult your local baby eating branch of the Alberta Library System.
poor thomas
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